A Time to Celebrate

I say this with utmost sincerity, although it is easy for me to understand why this statement brings about a smidgen of disbelief. After all, the high school was only built in 1972 or 71 or something like that. Plus the fact that the cover of the first issue last year happened to say "6th anniversary issue."

But rest assured, Tangents is indeed old enough to celebrate its 50th birthday (although by the time you read this it'll be pushing 52). Simply count in dog years since the date of its founding (c. 1987), and you too will accept that this is incontrovertibly the golden anniversary issue of the glorious yet appallingly mind-numbing periodical known to those on the terrestrial plane of existence simply as Tangents.

Do not, I repeat, do not question the validity of the use of dog years as a measurement of time, because it is entirely legitimate. After all, dogs, despite their declining popularity compared to that of their feline competitors (the article in that other school newspaper may have enlightened you about that already), dogs are still a contributing part of American society. There are approximately 52 million dogs living in the United States. With a population that high, it is difficult to deny that our canine companions (quickie vocab word: alliteration) are plainly an influential part of our society.

A variety of calendars have existed during humankind's (note PC terminology) presence on this planet. The calendar we now use is referred to by those who are differentiating it from other calendars (such as myself) as the Gregorian, but the Egyptians had a different calendar. And if Hanukkah seemed to be really early this year, which it was, the reason is simple: Hanukkah is based on the Hebrew calendar, which is so off-the-wall that a "leap month" is added seven times in every 19 year cycle. The way I figure (and I mean absolutely no offense to those who enjoy this privilege), if it's all right for kids to miss school because of holidays based on a calendar as unconventional as this, it's also acceptable that Tangents keep track of its age via the "canine calendar."

The Chinese calendar is somewhat more accurate than both the Egyptian and Jewish calendars, but New Years falls on a different time than January first. This calendar is still valid, however, because a year is circular, sinusoidal if you will (as is the number of hours of daylight in Seattle, as publishers at the University of Chicago are so eager to point out), thanks to its basis on the earth completing one complete orbit of the sun. In this way it can be likened to a wedding band (which is different than a marching band or a rubber band) in that is has no bona fide beginning or end. Where one chooses to have a new year begin is irrelevant, arbitrary.

And since the starting/ending point placement makes no real difference, one can easily deduce that length too is variable, right? One Gregorian year equals seven dog years, it's as simple as that. Okay, so maybe the logic I'm using here is flawed, but I don't see how that really matters. After all, Trent Reznor's whole existence is flawed, and he's still a cultural icon, so why can't my logic be that way too? My claim that this issue commemorates the Fiftieth Anniversary of Tangents magazine is entirely legitimate.

There may not be much fanfare surrounding this momentous occasion, but that is due simply to economics (Tagts­Moy). And my logic may strike you as absurd. But don't let either of those detract from the significance of the issue you are now holding, as it is the Golden Anniversary issue and should be treasured.

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